


There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in

by orphan_account



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Charlene is mentioned briefly, M/M, Not much in the way of plot, Perry is human, Very much a character/relationship retrospective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 03:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18541696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Heinz is aware of what he wants is impossible. Or, it should have been.In which Heinz reflects on his relationships, his ability to communicate, and Perry the Platypus.





	There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in

**Author's Note:**

> A pretty experimental piece. I'm not sure what I think of this sort of style of writing yet, the less plot focused writing. But it was interesting to write!

Heinz is aware of what he wants is impossible. Or, it should have been.

It doesn’t matter how delicately he shapes his words. His voice gives him away, the slightest tremble or inflection poorly placed revealing the few things he kept away from his nemesis. Those crevices of secrets he still clung to during nights, a lonesome burden that would require Heinz to bare himself completely. To admit to Perry these would be more of intimacy that even those moments they shared of fleeting touches or meaningful stares. And completely impossible.

He remembered with Charlene the difficulty he had with giving her as much of himself as he already had with the agent. The deterioration of their relationship had been planted from seeds of misunderstandings from the beginning. They spoke different languages, too deep of a rift to build a bridge. 

And she was right in a way, to leave him. There was an underlying fear that stemmed from unaddressed insecurity throughout their whole relationship. It got the better of them, of him, eventually. At some point though, Heinz realized the difference in how he communicated with his previous wife and with his nemesis. It was a stark, curious thing. Considering Perry didn’t even speak, the barrier should have been broader in this case. And yet they adapted to one another, morphed and fit into each other so seamlessly that Doofenshmirtz couldn’t even pick out the moment that it happened. It wasn’t a luxury he had before Perry, the ability to truly understand and in turn be understood. 

Heinz had always been stubborn, too stubborn to die, too stubborn to bend to a world that reaffirmed his worthlessness, and it was very often a trait considered a vice. Until Perry. He was determined, he was able to take step by step whatever he gave him, and dish back out plenty enough for the agent to take with him in turn. They worked step in step, a messy harmony that was as sweet as could be. It was exactly what he needed.

The foundation they built together, steady and unflinching, allowed for Doofenshmirtz’s insecurities, didn’t punish him for his deep-rooted fears. But they had a tendency dissipate with ease that none of his other relationships had, at least in the moments that mattered. And in plenty of ways, as much as Perry saved the Tristate area from his schemes, he saved Heinz. 

The past echoed within him, beat against his head till he ached. Moments when he could feel the loss of his arms, the unflinching cool of night forced to stand alone. His saving grace was when he was able to awake with his elbow resting underneath Perry’s neck, limbs tangled together, his face crooked to nuzzle against bare skin. His form backlit from stray light from the window. It felt like a miracle to wake beside the man, after all the years they spent in strife. Though it might not be quite as unexpected as he felt it was, considering the chosen intimate moments they had beforehand. The gentle hand holding, the tender gazes, the time they spent casually cuddled on his couch watching some sappy romance movie or another. It had been a long time coming, at least according to Vanessa. 

At the initial realization, Heinz was skeptical. To even dream to be the one to caress Perry’s proud jaw, kiss his bloody knuckles, felt like a sort of sin. He’s a legend, a hero, a man who was beyond loving a man like Heinz. Yet his admiration never waned. The way he walks, firm and sure, like the world, belonged to him as surely as Heinz's heart did. The quirk of a smile he had learned to cherish. The way his punches always burned in the perfect way that he was so sure he was about to melt. 

When Perry kissed him, he did not breathe. Making love to him felt like building a home. Heinz had never dreamed of a time a man would whisper holy into his skin, kissing his thighs to a temple, mouth whispering his name into a prayer. It was worship as much as a consummation. And Perry would be the only man he kneeled to. He was a monument of a man. He kissed him with an open mouth, taking him in his entirety, a new phenomenon. There was no fear, no hesitation in Perry’s touch, just an embrace that accepted Heinz’s goodness and evil altogether. A sort of promise between the two. The intensity of the happiness it brought shook Doofenshmirtz to his core initially. 

He learned from Perry’s smile and touch that beautiful things can be meant for him too. It was awe-inducing how even in the most unbearable moments they had been through, something light and wonderful could come out of each other. The kisses poured between them were sweeter than the wine they sipped on that night. Heinz cradled Perry, astonished by the dual nature of this dynamic, beautiful man. For every bruise, they had given one another, for how they bloomed under his skin as a colorful testament of their time together. The price of his courage became a sweet ache he soon craved. So many nights spent with careful hands bandaging throbbing wounds that never were quite as bloody as he knew they could be. Heinz lets him feel the scars that litter his body carelessly, each a testament to every near goodbye he had. It wasn’t that Heinz was careless with himself as much as it was that the world never cared quite enough. Doofenshmirtz wonders at the way Perry’s hands tremble over the weight he watches him carry, how he treated him as someone precious. 

It’s the least he can do to return the favor, to hold what was supposed to be a violent thing gently during these nights they share. Perry, for as diligent as he was to hold himself unwavering, was just as prone to fits of anxious, traumatic remembering. Fingerprints of the past lingered, digging deep inside him, spine curling under the sheer force of it. Fists couldn’t fight what’s in the mind. Instead, he is left swollen with fears left unspoken. Desolate and withering from the overgrown, abandoned secrets he keeps in his chest. 

When Heinz finally sees it, finally recognizes the mirrored pain they pull along from their messy pasts, he kisses Perry’s chest. Right over his heart. He wishes to kiss the war out of him, create a paradise of rest for him, finally. Finally. He holds him to remind him he has left the fires of the ashen times behind. He reminds him that no matter what they took him to be, to do, that he was the one to give himself purpose. That he was something hungry and sweet and who worked his hands perfectly. For fighting, for holding, for loving. He reminds him how the world could burn and dry if it meant that he was here. And he does what he knows best, he speaks. He whispers and offers love and vows and things that continue on to the next day, and the next. And he hopes that his words become a reality for the agent to rely on the same way Perry’s did for him. 

And Perry, Perry is soft lips, a fist of fire, and a creature that was so widely desired that his choice in Heinz was baffling. But he knows better than to deny himself one of the few choice good things to become of his life. He was never very good denying himself anything, really, especially when it came to him. So he allows himself to love. His kiss feels raw when it first comes, in the midst of your typical battles. Heinz cannot distinguish between the sound of his heartbeat and the retreating footsteps of his nemesis, quick and fluttering. So he reaches out, like he had so many times before, and grasps upon Perry, suddenly as sure as ever that this man would be the last in the universe to fail him. When he wipes the blood off his chin there is a moment of understanding and a sort of exhilaration. He very suddenly wished the blood in his mouth was his. He never minded pain the same, when it was Perry who gave him it.

Now the twilight illuminated their sanctity, his hands upturned, a humble offering that he takes easily. There was no tremble to his touch, no doubt or reservations in his love. Fingers curl around his hips. Clinging to his hands, something real, something human existed amongst the chaos of their shared existence. It was tenderness that lay with them. Here they intertwined. Here they lived. A quiet love they had built from the beginning.


End file.
